Wrestling may be Fake, but it's Cooler than Reality

March 24, 2011

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If you watched Impact last week, then you saw a truly low point in wrestling. And if you didn’t see it, here’s what happened.

The Pope was in the ring cutting a painfully boring promo when Samoa Joe and Okada came down to interrupt. A mini fight broke out, which was quickly ended when the Pope grabbed Okada and put a knife to his throat. Yes, he a put a KNIFE to this throat.

A few things here: If you have to pull a knife on someone in order to generate heat for yourself, that’s generally not a good sign. Clearly you’re a bad wrestler, boring on the mic, and have no other discernable skills. Second, I’m fully aware that TNA has a more “adult” product than the WWE, especially when it comes to language. But I feel like this whole knife thing just stinks of desperation.

There is essentially one rule in pro wrestling: don’t try to deliberately kill someone. As long as you don’t do that, you’re golden.. Unless you want to hang someone…that’s just good old fashion fun.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yux6AQuncfs]

But anything else goes. Literally, every week someone could be arrested for assault, theft, or kidnapping. I wish real life was like wrestling. If you have a problem with someone, just find a camera and a microphone and go nuts. You can say almost anything you want as long as you sneak in catchphrase or two.

And if someone is talking trash on you, its cool. Wait until they find a camera and a mic, and attack them mid sentence. Don’t worry about the cops, assault doesn’t exist in the world of wrestling.

But I know what you’re saying, sometimes in real life, its hard to track down the person you’re pissed at. Not a problem in wrestling. You know where they’re gong to be every week, so just be patient. Eventually, they are going to have a match for a big title, and when they do, just give them a cheap shot and cause them to lose.

Unfortunately, you can’t win ’em all. Sometimes in life, there are people that are just flat out better than you. If you lose a fight to someone in real life, that’s it, it’s over. Not a worry in the magic land of wrestling. If you lose to someone today, chances are you’ll fight him again….and again….and again. The only difference is that next time you fight him the people will be booing you instead of cheering you.

The wrestling world rules. If you look in the right place, you’ll always find a sledgehammer. And no matter how many people stand in your way, if you run at them real fast with a steel chair they will scatter.