TNA Impact Reactions: Fortune's Guardian Angel

Surprise!  This week’s Impact opened with a long non-wrestling segment!  How unusual!  Mr. Anderson opened the show by bullying referee Earl Hebner around a little bit for disqualifying him last week.  Earl’s son got involved, but long story short, Sting ran out and made the save on behalf of the Hebner family. While Sting and Anderson brawled, RVD entered the Impact Zone and demanded that his title match at Lockdown be made a three-way dance to include the former Mr. Kennedy as well.  Hogan and Bischoff came out and obliged, so we’ll be getting a 3-way at the PPV.  While they were out there, they made the main event for Impact too: a 6-person cage match pitting Immortal’s Matt Hardy, Bully Ray, & Abyss against Lockdown opponents Sting, Rob Van Dam, & Mr. Anderson.  Later, around the middle of the show, all members of the main event brawled throughout the Impact Zone in a largely insignificant filler segment.

The bulk of the main event saw Immortal use their numbers game against RVD & Sting while Anderson sat at ringside and refused to get in the ring.  Eventually, Hulk Hogan himself came down the ramp and insisted that Anderson take part in the match.  When Anderson refused, Hogan raked his eyes, smashed his head into the cage, and tossed him into the ring.  Once in the ring, Anderson was attacked by Sting, his partner.  The conclusion of the match saw RVD going for a 5-star frog splash but Anderson pushing him off the top rope, allowing Bully Ray to hit his move and get the 3-count.  So, bottom line, Anderson, Sting, and RVD don’t get along, and Anderson is an A-hole.  We’ve known this for weeks, yet half of tonight’s show was dedicated to establishing it.  Pretty, pretty lame.

Anyway, the big story took place after the match.  Fortune ran to the ring to assist Sting & Van Dam, but they too soon fell victim to Immortal.  While Ric Flair’s faction put the boots to AJ Styles’ boys, a man ran through the crowd, scaled the cage wall, and landed a cross body block from the top of cage onto the trio of Immortal members.  That man was Christopher Daniels.

• So Daniels being back as Christopher Daniels (as opposed to Suicide, who he is also currently portraying) means that he’ll probably be added to the Lockdown match between Immortal and Fortune to even the odds.  A couple of weeks ago, I speculated that AJ Styles may make a heel turn at Lockdown, but with Daniels added to the mix, I think that he’s much more likely the member of the face team to change his allegiance.  A Daniels heel turn would pave the way for a main event Styles vs Daniels feud, and I’ll always welcome matches between the two of them.
• After the main event, we got a couple backstage segments with words from Immortal and Fortune.  Nothing to see here.  The last vignette saw Rob Van Dam attack Mr. Anderson and leave him lying.
• It’s disappointing to see Rob Van Dam coherent this week.  I was really hoping for them to play up the amnesia angle that was alluded to at the end of last week’s show.  Not that it would be any good, but it would at least be something different.
• Scott Steiner (w/ Crimson) defeated Shannon Moore (w/ Jesse Neal).  Moore paraded around the ring wearing Steiner’s chain hood thing for a while during the match, trying to establish a no-respect-for-the-verterens punk kind of gimmick.  Steiner went over with a Frankensteiner, which he executed surprisingly well.  I dunno, I can’t take Moore seriously as a singles wrestler.  I mean, come on, he was a member of 3-Count.  After the match, Orlando Jordan & Eric Young, who did commentary during the bout, began to make their way to the ring.  Before they could get there, however, they were ambushed by Magnus & Douglas Williams.  By the way, Orlando Jordan’s character is one of the worst I’ve ever seen.  Absolutely ridiculous.
• Max and Jeremy Buck wrestled a 3-minute match, and despite its brevity, it was easily the best match on the show.  Max won after using every heel trick in the book.  The Bucks are pretty fantastic, and I’m glad Impact had at least one good match on it, but I hate that these guys are broken up.  I miss tag team wrestling.
• Winter nabbed a victory over Velvet Sky when the zombified Angelina Love appeared on the ramp, serving to distract her fellow Beautiful Person.  This whole brainwashed Angelina thing is a storyline that seems like it would be better suited for a Raw vs Smackdown game than actual television.  None-the-less, I’m curious to see what becomes of it.
• Kurt Angle called out Jeff Jarrett, but got Rob Terry instead.  Kurt forces him to submit with the ankle lock, and afterwards, Jeff Jarrett baits the Olympic Hero into chasing him around the Impact Zone. The chase leads to the backstage area, where Kurt is tricked into running into Karen Jarrett and her security guards.  She has Kurt arrested, and this was all apparently one elaborate setup.  Why Kurt is going to jail isn’t directly addressed.
• There were countless meaningless backstage segments between matches, and none of them included anything worth mentioning here.

Impact was what it always is – an inane blend of bizarre booking decisions, unsatisfying conclusions, poor acting, and even worse writing.  The Jarrett/Angle triangle has got to end.  It’s just plain stupid.  The Immortal / Fortune story is becoming convoluted – there are too many pieces.  It wouldn’t hurt to have feuds between two guys every once in a while, not every rivalry needs to included three or more wrestlers.  Generation Me shouldn’t be fighting.  It’s OK to have tag teams.  Zombie wrestlers don’t belong on the same show as blood drenched guys vowing revenge.  Be silly or be serious, don’t try to be both.  Not every sentence needs to be punctuated with swear words to show how edgy you are.  WWE did it 15 years ago.

Seriously, TNA is kind of hard to watch sometimes.  Every once in a while, the frustration just builds to a level that you can’t stand it anymore.  For me, this week was one of those times.  I’d love if once, just once, a match got underway within the first twenty minutes of the show.