So, rumor has it that Vince McMahon loves big wrestlers. And I don’t mean roided up big. I mean like tall and fat as well. Sometimes these guys work out. The Undertaker, Bubba Ray Dudley, Nash, the Big Show, and Kane are large guys who were over with the fans and had successful long careers. But more times than not, these larger than life wrestlers flat out suck. For every Undertaker, there’s a whole bunch of guys with zero talent, like these guys…
Big Daddy V, Matt Morgan, Umaga, Mark Henry, A Train, Crimson, Rob Terry, Gene Snitsky, Rikishi, the Great Khali, El Gigante, Earthquake, Typhoon, Yokozuna…
There’s more that I’m probably forgetting. But lets face it, all these guys either sucked or still suck. The reason I think of this now is because most recently we’ve had to endure Brodus Clay, the latest in a long line of fat wrestlers who scream a lot to show how tough they are….gotcha.
More anger at fatties after the jump.
While they were very impressive in stature, these guys were tough to watch. Literally, it hurt watching these oafs waddle into the ring and try to work a match. But because they LOOKED tough, we had to sit by and watch them get pushed fast. Thankfully, most of the time the fans’ lack of interest and boredom won out and they were yanked off TV.
I mentioned before the Undertaker, Kane, Nash, Bubba Ray, and the Big Show. Five very large wrestlers who were insanely over. The Undertaker is one of the best ever, period. Kane was very good in his own right. And even though he is past his prime now, he was a great wrestler for years, but for some reason terribly underused. Nash was ok as Diesel, but once he joined the nWo, it didn’t matter how good or bad in the ring he was. Bubba Ray is one of the best talkers in the business, plus everything his body went through in ECW and TLC matches earned him a lot of respect. And the Big Show may be a slug in the ring, but at least he can move around, and the fans love him.
Here’s how a typical match with these other guys would go. They march to the ring in a menacing fashion. Most of the time they are just squashes. But sometimes, no matter who they are fighting, their opponent will use their “speed” and get some offense in. The offense usually includes a couple failed attempts at a close line (why even bother trying?) and maybe a few kicks to the leg to “try to bring the big man down.” Oh but you can rest assured this offense will all be in vain. Then the poor sap who has to wrestle these monsters will probably do something dumb, like go for a cross body block, get caught, slammed, and lose. This paragraph is probably longer than the actual matches.
All of these fat wrestlers I mentioned in the second paragraph stink and can’t wrestle. Rikishi was not over, and he never was. All he could do was dance and put his butt in people’s faces. Wow, what a ring technician you are. Umaga didn’t sell anyone’s moves (that old gimmick) and was boring to watch. I remember watching Yokozuna when I was younger, and eagerly awaiting to see if someone could take him down. Fun when I was ten years old, but not now. At least Earthquake and Typhoon had a sweet tag team gimmick…
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyK9EYPz1HM&feature=related]
My point is that I’m tired of seeing the latest in a long line of these fat jerks on my TV every week. All they do is take up ring time that could be used for talented wrestlers. I don’t want to see you slosh around the ring, not sell any moves, and scream a whole lot. It’s not entertaining. If you want to be a bodyguard or something like that, fine. But don’t make me watch you try to do something meaningful. Especially when the shock factor of how gluttonous you are wears off rather quickly.
In closing, a while ago I mentioned how there’s no real hot girls in TNA except Velvet Sky. I clearly forgot about this, and for that I apologize…
