River of Darkness is…well…

Last week, I told you about a campy horror movie, River of Darkness, that starred not only Kurt Angle, Psycho Sid, and Kevin Nash, but former Goldberg-streak-fodder Glacier.  I’ve had the opportunity to see the movie since reporting on it, and, well…I think this trailer can do it more justice than I could with any kind of a review.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oPdLV0I8-I]

Two points of interest for wrestling fans:

• Kurt Angle, who easily has more screen time than any of his co-stars, isn’t that bad an actor.  He’s not even the worst one in this movie (that distinction belongs to his character’s deputy).  Glacier isn’t too bad either.  But hey, maybe that’s just the Glacier fan in me talking.  Nash and Sid don’t say much, so there’s not really much to criticize.
• At times, I felt like the movie was a massive fan service to the wrestling community.  In a brief scene of two gas station attendants shooting the breeze, they exchange JR-isms, and discuss beating one another like “a red-headed stepchild” and “a rented mule.”  At one point, Kevin Nash actually lifts Kurt Angle up into a double handed choke slam position.  I almost started to feel like I was watching an actual wrestling match…until Kurt pulled a knife and stabbed Big Sexy in the shoulder.

All in all, this movie wasn’t the train wreck I expected it to be.  It was by no means good, and I can’t justify recommending it to anybody.  That being said, it was no worse then your typical B horror movie.  Sure, the zombified Jacob Boys look like they’re inexplicably covered with tree bark.  And yes, the dialogue is cheesy at times (“Paranormal researchers…there goes the neighborhood”).  The fact is, these are issues like those that exist in any low budget gore fest.  And unlike those movies, this one has wrestlers.  Lots of wrestlers.